Woman - A Chemical Analysis

ELEMENT:?Woman
SYMBOL:?WO2
DISCOVERER:?Adam
ATOMIC MASS:?Accepted at 55 kg but been known to vary from 40 to 240 kg.
OCCURRENCE:?Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

Surface usually covered with a painted film.
Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various states ranging from virgin to common ore.


CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones.
bsorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES

Highly ornamental, especially in sports car.
Can be a great aid to relaxation.
TESTS

Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
HAZARDS

Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
Illegal to posess more than one.
If commonly used for relaxation may produce ankle biters.